How much longer do I stay?

How often have we been in a bad relationship and wondered why we stay?  When do we get to the point that we pack up and leave? It’s easy for us to tell a friend that they should get out of the relationship…that it’s going nowhere. But when it comes to taking that advice ourselves it’s a different story.

When is enough enough? When the pain of staying is greater than the pain of leaving. We may know intellectually that we are in a bad situation but until we get to that tipping point we won’t leave.  I have been there myself, quite a few times. You don’t want to give up on the relationship, but you end up living in such turmoil that all you want is some peace of mind.

If you are struggling with “should I stay or should I go?” time will figure it out for you. Things will eventually get better or you will go past the point of pain in staying. It will be hard.

It was very hard when I left my first husband. I left numerous times and always went back. My two children were a factor, it was their father. Finally the pain of staying was worse than the pain of leaving and I left. I felt as if I had been let out of prison. It opens up new problems when you leave, but none as bad as the problems you left. It take courage but you have to be at the tipping point or you will just go back or be miserable that you left.

I encourage trying to work things out. But there comes a time when you know it just isn’t going to work. You have to find strength in yourself, an inner strenght. You can do it when the pain of staying is worse than the pain of leaving.

Respected… or a fool for love?

What will women do for love?  It looks like just about anything. We will chase after men, be treated badly, give in to situations we don’t really want to,  jump into the sack,  stay with men that don’t treat us with respect, and the list goes on and on. Why do we do this? Why have we let men have the upper hand in the relationship? Why do we live in fear that he is going to leave? Why have we given our power away?

For love…we think that if we don’t give in that we won’t have love..we will do anything just don’t leave me.

I had a friend once that after her divorce she said that “A bad relationship is better than no relationship.”  I heartily disagree. It is better to be by yourself than to be in anguish and turmoil daily.

I have been married 3 times. I am in a good marriage now, although we have been through some rough times. He is very willing to talk about things and work through them. Granted, a rarity for a man. Men don’t like to “talk about the problems.”  So I have spent part of my life without a spouse. Dated quite a bit between husbands so I have experience in what I am discussing.

When I speak to young women on how to find the right man one of the things that I tell them first is to know what you will and will not allow into your life. Know that you want someone in your life that will treat you with kindness and respect and if they don’t treat you that way then you break it off. You have to set a standard and live by that standard.

If you set the expectation of being treated well then you will end up with someone that does treat you well. If you allow someone to treat you disrespectfully then it will only get worse with time. By then you are married and have a couple of kids. Then what?

Make the decision beforehand. I will be treated with love and respect…and I will treat you the same way.  I will not be a fool for love and be treated poorly.  Have some respect for yourself first.